During a period in my life when I suffered a lot of different traumas and loss, I didn't handle things in an emotionally mature way. I lashed out at those around me and those whom I perceived as causing me great hurt. Through my words and actions I hurt them in return and seriously messed things up for myself and others at the time. I've since matured and learned a lot from the mistakes I made. However the pain I inflicted on some people haunts me deeply. I have reached out to them to apologise and have made my deep rooted regrets known. However, those I hurt most have ghosted me from their life. They don't reply, they don't speak to me, and they probably hold some well deserved enmity towards me. I want nothing more than to make things right. But I fear the consequences of my actions appear irreparable.
And so, having exhausted all other options, I think about turning to Goetia again. The spirits Gusion or Amon come to mind. However, I've been philosophising over this a lot. That is something many of us on this path do from time to time. But now it hits me stronger than it has in the past. Maybe I'm getting older, wiser and more experienced. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much. Either way, my fear is that if I use sorcery to repair these relationships then the result would be artificial. And if its artificial, would it too be superficial? Sure, I could have Amon repair the relationships but would the spirits' influence make it a lie? Would I be going to extreme lengths to quell my own guilt at the expense of the free will of those whom I have hurt? Would the burden my guilt really dissappear or would I feel doubly guilty for having affecting the will and lives of those involved once again?
My answer at present is that, yes I probably would feel worse for doing something like this. And for that reason I have not yet called upon either if the aforementioned spirits, and probably won't. But I am curious, what is the communities take on a situation like this? Would you feel the same? Or do your philosophies and ethics differ? Perhaps you can see this situation from another perspective with a new insight. Either way, I'd appreciate your thoughts.