This is going to be more a post about life questions than the occult, but I thought I would ask these questions. Basically I have this very close female friend who I realized I was in love with a while back. I am bipolar and schizophrenic, and I had a manic break that was very centered around her. My first mental breakdown was centered around the occult, and I basically went insane by becoming obsessed with talking to spirits. Me and this friend, Isabel write letters and poems together and talk on the phone nearly every day. I effectively proposed to her over the phone (she lives in Minnesota for college, and I live in Tennessee for college, but we are both from California), to which she responded "I wouldn't shit where I eat like that. I would walk miles with you for no reason, but I'm not going to marry you." I heard voices constantly of vengeful angels commanding me to propose to her for real. I got "STR8 4 IZBL" tattooed above my dick, broadcasted my delusions about her on social media, and called her all the time. It got to the point where she stopped answering my calls, but when I came down from this manic episode I wrote her a letter apologizing, and we started talking again. She assured me in the letter back (which had a "LOVE" stamp like she always puts on) that she wasn't angry, that she was just too busy with school to call me all the time, and that it was not lost on her that she was turning her back on a mentally ill friend in a time of need.
Our relationship is great again now, and I forgot about my love for her, figuring it was an unhealthy delusion that would never work out. I lived as a Catholic monk in San Francisco for a while, until I discerned that I was meant to be a husband and a father. After I left the monastery, I did a ritual contacting the angel Sandalphon from the Sixth Book of Moses. I heard the voices of angels and saw visions. I was assured that my future wife was not meant to be the Church but a human woman, who I would fall in love with in the mountains. I thought nothing of this, but I started to think about Isabel again, and I reread the poems and letters she sent to me. We are both published, emerging poets, and one of the poems she wrote about me was so heartfelt, mysterious, and beautiful. It was about my mental illness and spiritual practices. She referred to us as one person in the poem, "we are someone you walk to the edge of the village to meet." I thought that the way she spoke to me, when with everyone else she is cold and guarded, that she must have some hidden feelings of love for me. So I did a love spell from the Greek Egyptian Magical Papyri with a sigil, to help her realize her love for me.
Then I told her over the phone that I was going camping. She said we should go camping together. I asked if we should bring some friends. She said, "No, let's go alone." I asked where she wanted to go. She said the Great Smoky Mountains. I don't know if this is just coincidence, or if this is the angel's prophecy. I don't want to become lost in delusion again and have a manic break. What do you think is the right course of action here. I just realized this synchronicity today. I had completely forgotten that the angel had said I would fall in love in the mountains. I'm wondering if I am losing it again. How does one prevent oneself from becoming consumed by magical thinking?