I did a search but didn't find anything that seemed to match this. If this is not the correct place please move it. This is a bit long so be fore warned. Sometimes I return to reflection and self analysis of things, this is such a return. This is my journey at the time and a reflection today. Though i'd share. Again hopefully this is the right area.
Of the many things I have come to understand and / or experience as I walk my path none has been more influencing than that of the concept of being attacked. Not just the concept of “attack” itself as the word implies but the many forms and manners that one may experience a so called “attack”.
One facet that tends to be a reoccurring notion in the shamanic field in my experience is the notion of attack and the perception or belief of being attacked. A situation or event that occurs upon the physical plain and many time on the realms and plains that one may encounter during journeywork. Yes, even when one explores the inner realities of self and faces their own shadow self and shadow totems.
Yet one must ask themselves, is an attack or being attacked a truth? Many times one finds that the sensation of being attacked is more of a self-influenced idea than an actual attack. They see and believe an attack shall occur then see every situation as a manifestation of that belief. The random bee sting suddenly becomes a directed attack upon them. The random encounter with some creature suddenly viewed as everything other than what it was. Almost becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy as what one expects is seen to take shape and form.
The other thing to my perspective is many fail to realize the difference between being tested and being attacked. In older culture's one often found their power animal or totem animal by surviving an attack by said creature. Concepts that in todays go into meditation and call your totem a far cry from how many cultures actually viewed it. No, in practice one actually experienced an attack that may have occurred upon the physical plain or in journey work. An attack, which may have served to test the body and spirit of the one being chosen or called. For instance while I have never been attacked in the physical by wolf I have been attacked in the journey plain and marked by them.
Yet snake has initiated attacks on me in both the physical world and in journey work. Snake medicine showing through Black snakes that coil up and strike, Copper Heads that suddenly appear before me and block my path, corn snakes that just appear as I am tracking a deer, water snake’s both on shore and in the water. Over and over have they appeared as I have faced their shadow magic’s, lessening as I come to know them and see their lesson.
In journey I have been struck by rattlesnake, bitten and held by python and or Boa (not sure of the difference actually). Faced what I can only describe as a great Naga, weaving and dancing before its gaze. Sometimes dying in the attack, other times becoming deathly sick for the duration of the dream / journey work. Other times physically becoming ill and manifesting it upon the material plain as the dream / journey test influences me.
Trees were one of my most hurtful teachers and attackers. I can't speak of the number of times I fell from one, ran into one or slide down a slope and ended wrapped up in one. Yet once I started to understand tree and its lessons on the surface I started to understand its medicine and magic’s. The lessons of bending before the wind vice breaking before it. The idea of having a firm foundation and deep roots less I be plucked up and pulled away easily, especially upon a spiritual pathway. Even the lesson of fighting when one needs to fight but also turning the other way when fighting is not the right way to change the situation or area.
It seems to me that so many seem to think that some form of attack is going to happen or is occurring that they create the situations themselves. So positive that they are being attacked that every shimmer is a servitor, every flicker is an enshrouded enemy, every sound the approach of something out to get them. While there are many things that seek to engage us, test us and perhaps even attack and destroy us we cannot think or assume it to be the case each time.
Yes Spirit and the many forms it takes often does test us. We are tested for bravery, were tested for compassion, for anger, for passion on and on the list goes. If we are lucky enough to pass all the tests and the creature doing the testing thinks we are worthy they may choose us and mark us. If not mark then takes us under their wing for some lessons in life and living and teaches us their magic’s and power.
Some testing so painful that one just might ask why? Some testing so destroying of one’s self that it seems there can be no reason. Some testing truly serving the purpose to dismember and see if we can survive their teachings. However, sometimes a bee sting is just a bee sting and simply means we stepped on it or caused it to respond from being threatened.
Yet the first of all lessons they teach is that an attack is not always an attack, sometimes it’s simply a lesson or teaching. What we think of as attacks and being attacked is far more frequently a product of our own imagination and thinking than any formal attack upon us. That Spirit doesn’t have to send a bogey man to attack us for we manage to create that scenario on our own as we assume we are being attacked.
But one must also be aware that a test can be quite painful and appear as an attack though it is not the intent of the creature testing you!
At times the notion of a disability is an attack upon both our physical body but also upon the mental imagery we possess of our own self. Today one of the most difficult attacks I’ve suffered as the physical has manifested in the present and I now am disabled.
For me it is an ongoing attack that I must face daily in the physical experience of pain and discomfort. It’s a psychological battle as I forever struggle against the pangs of what was versus what I have become and what I am able or unable to physically do.
I admit there are times I hover upon the brink and wish to surrender to the sense of loss and pain that marks my days. The deep frustration experienced from no longer being able to do so many simple daily actions of living. Things that I once could do without though or consideration of how I was able to do so, today incapable of doing.
Years ago Wolf ripped my spine from my body and left me lying upon the ground to realize my inability to move. To know and experience the helplessness of life when denied our agility and mobility. Today my military lifestyle resulted in the same injuries as wolf so long ago foretold in its dismemberment of my body during a shamanic death. Legs that don’t support me and fail me with no regard for my desires. A spine whose actions play crack the whip with my body or send spasms that wrack me like some victim upon a barbaric torture device. Limitations inflicted upon me that reduce my perception of self and self-worth before the world at large and within.
All examples of the notion of flight, fright or fight as we experience life. Things which enable us to better connected to guides, so called totems, etc. Conditions which enable us to understand how we must observe those about us and perhaps understand them as they seek to overcome the debilitating bodies, minds and spirits that they have become.
Yet I admit this is one lesson I’d not care to have to endure. For the outlook of my life does not seem promising for tomorrow as I reflect upon my yesterday’s I have already lived.
But it is all part and parcel of the notion of being attacked, dismembered and put back together for some reason that is often beyond the scope of our awareness or to enhance the spiritual pathway we walk and how we understand our place upon it and those we journey with.