I had a near death experience. Not entirely sure what I witnessed.

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HelloKitty
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I had a near death experience. Not entirely sure what I witnessed.

Post#1 » Tue Jan 22, 2019 6:39 pm

Warning: kind of a wall of text below....



Okay, so... A few days ago I endured the worst panic attack of my life. I was filled with immense dread, fear and helplessness. I was getting severe chest pains, which of course exacerbated the panic...

I then resorted to praying to The Almighty for about 20 minutes, inviting into myself only Love, Life, Light, True Liberty etc etc while banishing any negative energetic connections/agreements I may have agreed to (sub)consciously (it was fairly improvisational in nature...) It seemed to do nothing at all.


So, even more desperate, I felt a strong nudge to start focusing on my breath. I followed along... Within moments, my focus narrowed down ONLY to the breath. I lost awareness of my body (which was then in a complete fetal position...)

It kept oscillating back to my body, yet something was persistently but SO lovingly guiding me back to my breath.

What followed next eludes my ability to verbalize in a meaningful way... But basically:

My consciousness reached what I THINK may have been the quintessence? My consciousness felt as though it had gained an extra dimension (if that makes sense...)

And slowly, but steadily, wave after wave after wave of blissful joy, love and warmth cascaded over my entire being. SOMETHING was there with me, giving me assurance; guiding me ever so patiently.

I was then shown the mechanisms of all the spheres that create reality. I can only describe this as my idea of initiation. I truly feel like I am no longer a neophyte.

Ineffable secrets, one after the other - each revelation followed by waves of pure Love, and this sense of ascension.

As I got closer to what felt to me like the apex of the experience, there was this feeling that my physical form was going to die shortly thereafter.

It was around this point I had the certainty that any magick I performed would succeed. so I consciously blessed my physical form (from a place of love I have never felt for myself.) Also around this time, I distinctly remember have a choice to go elsewhere, or continue *this* story.

I was guided to open my eyes, and I felt compelled to tell my mom that I may very well be dying. I had no doubt that I was. And yet, it was the most calm and serene I have ever been. The order this all happened is hazy, but I am certain I observed myself leave my body and actually die.

Anyway... Long story less long: over the following hour-hour and a half, I was buzzing with some kind of vibration/energy. My internal monologue was completely silent (unless I consciously engaged with it.) And as I was answering the EMT's/doctor's questions, I could not form coherent sentences. When I was rolled into the ER, I felt the ambiance of the unit completely shift, and I knew I was the cause. and everyone I made eye contact with had extra super sparkly eyes, and they all seemed completely disarmed while talking to me. Unrelated people kept poking their heads in my room to look at me. I felt like some sort of guru, tbqh.


There are a lot more details. But I'll stop here for now... I just needed to write this down and try to make sense of it.

Any ideas/theories about what occurred? It changed me in a deep, fundamental way and I'd really like more insight. Was this my Holy Guardian Angel/Divine Self/whatever?

Why was such profound and crippling fear the catalyst for such a numinius experience?


Thank you for taking your time to read this mess. I appreciate it.
۞ \[T ] / A L.V.X. Ω \ [ T]/ ۞

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