Hi everyone! First of all, I wanted to say that I’m very sorry that I’ve been gone for so long. I guess that so many things have happened, and not knowing how to talk about them sort of deepened the gap between me and this forum. Initially I stopped posting here because I started working with Lucifer and some of you seemed irritated or worried by that. It wasn’t that I resented you for that. I guess I just needed to find my own way.
My life fell apart guys. That’s why I’ve been gone for so long.
It’s funny, because obviously none of us have ever met, yet from the conversations some of us have had it was obvious to me that some of you knew there were problems in my life. Maybe it will just be easier if I do sort of a timeline.
I began working with Lucifer because I was sick and tired of my life being absolute shit. I blamed this on lots of things, but deep down I knew it was because of my fiance who was really, honestly, terrible. When I first began working with Lucifer I asked for small things: a new job for him, money to fix one of our cars, etc. And all of these things were granted to me. But after he would lose the new job, it was obvious to me something else was wrong. This was when I started working with Lucifer to uncover the real truth of what was wrong, what was at the core of all of it. It took almost a year, but wow did I get results.
For those of you who warned me that Lucifer would destroy my life, you were right. But that was just what I needed.
Almost a year into my working with Lucifer, my fiance overdosed on heroin and almost died. His daughter, only 11 years old, found him and saved his life. I thought this was it; this was the truth, finally, at last. It seemed that way for awhile at least. But just shy of a year of working with Lucifer, my fiance’s “side chick” messaged me saying she was pregnant. So that was finally the end.
I still remember that day like it was yesterday, becuase it fell on a Friday, my chosen day to work with Lucifer. I still did my meditation and offerings. I did it outside in the rain that day, put a hat over the incense burner to shield it and let my tears fuse with the raindrops. We were one and the same that day.
There was something very chaotic about everything that followed, the leaving, the fighting, but it felt like a work of art at the same time. Everything was right in it’s proper place. His daughter, the only thing I ever worried about, was whisked away by grandma to safety, and safety was the only thing I could have ever wanted for her. Having no children of my own, she was the closest thing I ever had to a daughter, and still is to this day. And with her absense, I was finally free to leave myself. And with a good enough (plenty good enough) reason, I did. It was difficult, but guided by visions and intuition I found my way to something truly amazing.
For such a beautifully orchestrated chaos, I can’t thank Lucifer, and my personal guides, enough. With Luficer as the remover of obstacles, I believe they found a way to make many things possible. I found something beautiful with someone else who actually listens to me. I found a home, at last, that is so much like my childhood home that I used to visit in dreams. I don’t visit it anymore, because home is something more than a place, and I’m here again, right now. And in case you ever saw the threads I made about my ambitions to do the PGM rite involving Typhon, never fear: one day a couple months ago I saw a sight that stopped me dead in my tracks. The ivy from my childhood home is here too, and soon I will use it as my crown in my ritual.
I actually made another necklace in tribute to Lucifer, just as pretty as the first one, a few months ago. This time it wasn’t out of obligation, but out of honor and devotion. Maybe when I haven’t had so much wine I’ll find the picture of it and post it here.
And just so you all know, I never thought anyone noticed or cared that I was gone, but I did return tonight to a couple posts expressing concern. Guys, you can’t know how much that means to me. So thank you to everyone who was ever worried, or ever wondered where I was.
I guess in closing, I would say that Lucifer is certainly a double edged sword. If you approach him with false intentions, he will try to provoke your vices and, perhaps, cause your downfall. But if you approach him in genuine pain and fear, searching for the light, he will be your guide.