Hello everyone! I posted recently with some questions about meditating on the Tree of Life, and now I have at last gotten into working on that. I often find that bouncing my ideas off of other people helps me when I reflect on aspects of my spiritual path, so I thought I would make a continuing thread in this subforum with my musings on whatever the hell I run into as I go. I think this is appropriate, since a blueprint of the universe of any kind affects all beings. And at the very worst, no one will read this thread and therefore will not be bothered by it.
I won't be doing anything too special in this working. I'm just going to use the good old Rider-Waite tarot deck to help me meditate on the spheres, and then some things will just be my thoughts from day to day life as I try to incorporate all of this in.
I should probably begin by talking a little about the inspiration for this undertaking. Five or so years ago I had a dream which was very profound to me. In this dream, the Tree of Life was being held captive by people much richer and more powerful than I, and they were keeping it exclusively for themselves. I travelled to the place where they kept it, a massive fortress in the shape of a ring which had a lush forest at its center, and in the center of that: the Tree of Life. The entrance to this contained forest was a massive set of wooden double doors with a lock on them, and by this door stood a watchman. I begged and pleaded with the watchman to let me in the see the Tree of Life. He laughed at me of course, and jeered at me; he told me to go away, and that the Tree of Life belonged to them. I managed to climb to the roof of the fortress, and even though I couldn't get in to the center I could see it from there: the most massive and beautiful tree I have ever beheld, set against a sunset sky of pink and lavender.
Everything went black in the dream then, except for the feeling of years and years passing, and all the while I was searching still for the Tree. In my life I have never experienced the kind of pure love and pain and longing I felt in that darkness. At last, I started to see things again, and I was at a research facility: after years of searching for the Tree of Life, it had come to rest here for the purpose of study. I was very emotional by then, and asked the man in the lab coat at the desk where they were keeping the Tree of Life. "It's in the courtyard," he said. "But I have to warn you, it isn't what it used to be."
I remember it being like a blur or emotions. I rushed to the facility's courtyard, thinking all kinds of things to myself: that it didn't matter what the Tree had become, or what those selfish people had diminished it to, it would always be the same to me. Finally, there it was: small, like a sapling, thin and probably shorter than me. I hugged it's trunk and cried, and all of my years of pain seemed to vanish. I knew then that it was more than a tree, it was the source of all things, and I was broken without it. When I finally stepped back, I saw that apples were growing on it. I knew then that while I was searching for the Tree of Life, the Tree knew that I was coming, and that it had prepared this fruit for me. I picked one, but before I could eat it, I woke up.
This is the dream that I still can't talk about to this day without getting upset. The fact that I was in college, along with other responsibilities, kept me from pursuing this dream's message until now. I didn't expect this dream to be as unforgettable as it has been to me, but I still feel like it's at the center of my heart all the time. There was a time when I thought that God, the ultimate source of all things, was unknowable and unfathomable, and that it was too vast to ever center its gaze on me. This dream taught me, among other things, that God can see, and that all this time I have been trying to find my way back to the source, perhaps the source was looking for me too.
So with that out of the way, time to post about my first initial meditations...
Malkuth Meditation: 10 of Pentacles:
I began my undertaking by meditating briefly on the 10 of Pentacles. I did this directly following one of my Shemhamphorash evocations, so I was really in no mood to hang out doing this all night. Talerman recommended that I ask Sandalphon, guardian of Malkuth, to initiate me into working with the spheres, and so I began by loosely calling to him with my request. There was nothing too dramatic that happened, but there were some points he made:
- There isn't exactly what one would call a concrete and dramatic initiation into this working. The initiation takes place over time, until I eventually look back at my former self and think "Wow, I must have been initiated somewhere in there." Things are more fluid and constant in this work.
- I shoulnd't linger too long on one sphere and then move on to another; rather, I should move over one to another without setting an exact time limit or goal to meet for each one. And then, I should come back to spheres and revisit thoughts. This is a journey, and a relaxed one: don't make it into an arduous task.
- My first task for a sort of loose initiation is to look at everyday events, some of them very mundane, and try to see the sort of spiritual ties and connections to these things behind the veil of physicality. Many of these simple things have their "echoes" so to speak in other worlds, with a surprising amount of symbolism.
While on a nice, cold, snowy walk yesterday with my spirit companions, I realized that I've been viewing the Tree of Life as going up in the air, literally, from the ground we walk on, or at the very least going outwards in a sort of linear direction. "Well, that's not accurate," one of the spirits said. He then said to imagine all the sephiroth permeating this world everywhere, with Kether as far a distance as the Sun to as short a distance as a molecule in my body.